Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize