before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
