This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
