I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
