the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
