Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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