was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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