Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
