This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
