we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
