How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
