hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
