Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
