I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
