just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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