about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just invented taco cereal.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
