I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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