I could have mohawked her pubes.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
