I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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