i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sorry about my life...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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