How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
