My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
