I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
