Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
