oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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