things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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