Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
