I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
