I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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