return my video game
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
