Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The air taste purple.
Randomize
