Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Randomize
