Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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