he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
