If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
