I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
