I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize