i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
