OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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