Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
