i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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