yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
