help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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