I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
