hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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