Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
