Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
