How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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