return my video game
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
