I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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