So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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