I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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