What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
