you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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