I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
