Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
