I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
