the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
