I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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