WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
