Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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