So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
