I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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