WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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