It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
