Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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