i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize