Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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