your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
