first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
