She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
