jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize