I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
