I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
